Lagos Na Wa : 5

I write this with my face covered. Please don't laugh at me.

Remember Lagos Na Wa Episode 1 where I shared the tale of how I almost was taken to  Seme border?  If you didn't read it, go through my wall. It is some where there.

So after the Lagos tour,  my rectum was dilated and ready to spill meaning I was pressed. I wanted to poop. Jesu! The urge was so strong and as soon as the bus entered the Island,  it intensified.

I carried my bum bum with the poo ready to drop and sat in the bus. I got to Elegushi  bus stop,  alighted.

A man I asked for directions to pointed at ahead of him and said that was the gate of the  Estate I was looking for.

I ignored the Okada men at the bus stop and started trekking because I was scared of what the speed and bumps would do. That turned out to be a bad decision.

Left,  right,  right and left. No gate insight.
I convinced myself that I could do it. God knows I couldn't. My ancestors were just laughing at me.

I saw a church. Church o and asked if I could use their toilet. Security man said the whole place was locked.

I continued moving. By then,  I could only take one step every 10 seconds because I was so sure that any quick movement would make the poo drop.

I got to Estate and typical of Ajebo estate people,  the security men had to call the office I mentioned to ask if they were expecting me before they could let me enter. Just enter.

When I got to the office,  I sat down with my butt lightly placed on the chair.

Because I had called to explain my Seme experience,  Madam didn't worry that I was almost six hours late. She asked if I was hungry or needed to freshen up. Madam is a big celebrity so at first I was worried that telling her poo was my problem will embarrass my generation. I smiled and shook my head.

She repeated that I could take some time to relax before we talk. I knew this was my last chance so I let the words out,  "Ma,  I am pressed". She showed me the toilet. I flew downstairs and started delivery.

The children were coming in quick succession. I closed my eyes and let them have a field day
The joy!

Time to wipe bum bum.  I looked around. There was no tissue. I tried to fetch water from the sink tap. Nothing came out. Okay let me at least flush faeces.  No water!

I didn't realise that the office was new so everything was still being put in place.
Oh my days!!
How can my villagers follow me to disgrace me like this?
I thought about using my handkerchief.
Mba nu!

I half closed the door and peeped out looking for any lady around. Madam celeb was standing in front of one door on the other side. What if she sees me pants down and thinks I have small kolo',I thought..

God is good to his good children like me. I sighted one Oyibo pepper sister typing passionately on a computer. I didn't see her earlier because she was in a sort of cubicle. I started to call her quietly, 'Hello,  excuse me  '.

But as village people would have it,  she had an ear piece on. I called and called.  Brethren I called until the poo in my bum bum joined me in calling.

No weapon formed against the bum bum of good people shall prosper.

Oyibo pepper sister removed her ear piece and stood up.
With the last strength in me,  I called one last time before jumping into the water cistern.

'Hello... Excuse me'.

Sister heard,  turned around and walked to the door of the toilet and asked me, 'No water? '
I was almost collapsing. I nodded. Sister understood, went to her handbag and got me wipes.

It was as if Angels blew the trumpet because immediately,  two guys came bearing two full buckets of water.

Please don't laugh at me.

#LagosNaWa
#JayTeeSays